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There She Grows

Living up to the reputation of two-year-olds, Lilah has suddenly started to have all-out tantrums. That is what I call the episodes where she’s so upset she is beyond all logic. That may sound silly to say about a toddler; what logic do they ever have, right? But Lil really is capable of understanding and communicating quite well. That’s how her strong personality is somewhat manageable. Certainly less so in the past few weeks, when a new level of tantrum has been winning out over hopes of discussion and compromise.

When that happens, when she is completely inconsolable, I see that the only person who can calm Lil down is herself. She needs alone-time to get over it, without an audience in me. That’s the main thing. So I sometimes sit her on the green chair, making sure to differentiate it from a time out by inviting her to come find me when she’s calm and read to talk and listen. Then I just walk out of the room. She does not calm down instantly by any means, in fact she takes it up a notch. But she miraculously stays in that chair while she continues to freak out. Within a minute or two, Lil composes herself and finds me, or sometimes sits quietly and looks at books before emerging. When she comes out after calming down, I am way happy and welcoming.

So the ‘crying chair’ (as Amanda calls it at her pre-school) really works. At home. But when we’re out and about, thats another story. Last weekend was pretty much the first time Lil had a total meltdown with me in a public place and was completely inconsolable to the point where I had to pack everything up and carry her, flailing and screaming, allllllll the way around a crowded park and alllllllll the way up the crowded elevator and across the crowded parking lot to our car. It was one of those moments you see happening to other people and think, gee that would suck. Or a movie cliche where an unsure dad-to-be seriously considers skipping town after witnessing such a display.

It was the kind of thing Lil didn’t do. And now that she does, there is a slight sense of dread when we’re having fun at some of Lil’s favorite places. Because no matter how long we stay or how wonderful it was, there is the inevitable moment we have to leave and nowadays that’s an almost guaranteed invitation to tantrum city. We had a lovely afternoon with Kat & Ella at the pony rides and Shane’s Inspiration park the other day. Lil was such a good girl and I was proud of her for playing nicely with little Ella. But then it was time to go home. We were leaving for exciting reasons: dinnertime, and Aunt Jen was arriving! If there’s two things Lilah loves its food and fun visitors, but she was in beyond-all-logic mode. She couldn’t say goodbye to our friends, all Lil could focus on was the fact that she had been plucked from a swing (despite holding on for dear life and screaming at the top of her lungs) and that swing was getting smaller and smaller in the distance as we made our way allllll the way across that park to our car while she flailed and cried miserably.

Same thing after a very fun night at Indie’s house. Lil was such a good girl and the kids were playing so sweetly together. But to Lil’s dismay we weren’t moving in, so once again Mike and I had to chuckle our rushed and inaudible goodbyes under the shrill sound of Lil yelling “I don’t want to goooooo!” over and over and over. Indie tried to give her a hug and kiss goodbye but that was only getting in the way of Lil’s tantrum. I think they were all a little amazed at our dramatic exit, as Lil wailed allllll the way down the steps and alllll the way down the sidewalk toward our car. Needless to say, we were not shocked, nor were we surprised that she was asleep before we reached our house even though we live a half a mile away.