Subscribe to my Blog
There She Grows

Its noon on Sunday and she just fell asleep. That means, after this procrastination post, work time for me until she wakes up. Much like… every other day.

I do sometimes fantasize about working on location somewhere, having a set schedule and some structure. It doesn’t have to be full time, just out of this house. So that whenever I have the rare moment of freedom at home I wouldn’t feel like I have to be working. I’d love to be using this naptime to do art projects in the garage, or watch a movie, although I’d first need to use it to finish up our xmas thank yous or tackling mount laundry… the kind of things I never seem able to finish during her waking hours. And then maybe once in awhile I could just go the eff back to bed. Which is at times my ultimate fantasy, lol. 2 and a half years into this parenting thing, waking up at 6:30 is still a huge struggle for me. Dont’ worry I’ll save that for my next self-pity post.

Yeah this is one of those moments I am feeling rather bleh about my current routine. Why should I, when things are so great I thank my lucky stars its worked out the way it has. But when I’m feeling particularly sleep deprived and ineffective, my darker pessimistic side comes out easily. I think this year is going to see some changes. Could go in one of two directions. I’m going to have to figure some stuff out.

oh wait, she’s not even asleep yet. Still just playing in her room. I can hear her reading to herself in there. Heh.

Two things.

1. My digital camera broke, many weeks ago. It just straight-up stopped working.  This doesn’t stop me from taking photos constantly, it just stops me from taking decent ones.  I’ve been shooting iPhone pics pretty much exclusively since then.  The iPhone is significantly better than no camera at all.

2. August was a really busy month for us and A LOT HAS HAPPENED.

I’ve considered writing one long post about everything but at this point that’s not gonna work.   So, expect some backdating here, because I have to talk about the fact that my sister Sarah Rose and Osman visited us, which was wonderful.  And the very next weekend we went up to Portland and had an awesome 5 days with Traci & Jim, and the very next weekend after that, I left the fam behind and went back to Chicago for some girlfriend party time in anticipation of Witte’s wedding.  With Mike’s birthday ending the month it seemed like every weekend was a major event.  But, there were a few other things I wanted to mention too.  Like our playgroups’ shifting dynamic, new chapters in my freelancing adventures, and visits to Descanso Gardens and Travel Town. Not to mention, all of Lil’s new tricks.   I’ll try to get to everything!

I’ve got plans.  Awesome ones.  Like, 120 of them, which is the problem.  I could dedicate weeks simply to brainstorming ways to accurately depict the ever-growing list of my plans in order of hugeness, including an elaborate hierarchy of subtasks and criteria.   I should research infographics for this to-do list.   See I have this condition, I believe it is called acute procrastination-itis that creates an adhd-like response to having a LOT on my plate.  For example: I just spent time writing this post.

Read the rest of this entry »

Yes, I am rapidly approaching my mid-thirties.    This year my birthday was pretty low-key, but somehow perfect.    We didn’t have a get-together or attend the ones we were invited to, due to Lilah’s illness.    That limited our plans, but it’s somewhat of a scapegoat.  There is also the issue of my declining sociability.   Things have changed and I sometimes feel like I’m teetering between two versions of myself, not entirely comfortable with either, and unsure how to remedy the distance between the two.

But what I want to talk about is Mike and how awesome he is, for all the big and little things.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m in the middle of 2 and a half projects, and the brief hours a week when Lil is in school aren’t enough.    Sometimes I still find myself trying to work with her present, which can only be done in brief intervals.    A half hour here, while she’s playing with marl in the backyard.    An hour there, while she is sitting by me watching Wall-e.  When I am able to pull this off there is a real sense of accomplishment but also guilt.   Like I am letting her down by trying to work instead of teaching her a hundred new words or taking her to the zoo that very minute.

Usually, giving any work task my full attention is  impossible unless she’s napping.   But nap time is valuable time in general, and can’t always be borrowed for work.   Some errands are best done while she is asleep in the stroller instead of running away, so I try to plan strategically.

Read the rest of this entry »